relationship

It was real. Steve was a father and our talk of him becoming a dad was reality. Gone were the days when we’d discuss the what-ifs and how we’d handle things because this baby was here.

Now this situation wasn’t your typical parenting setup. Being that Steve and the mother of his son weren’t in a relationship, they set up time for Steve to have quality time with JT every day. As you probably know, newborns don’t spend time away from their mothers for obvious reasons, so Steve made daily visits to see his little dude.

My role was unique in that, the day that Steve would be able to have JT on his own was far off, so I didn’t know when I’d actually get to meet him. This meant that I’d only know and experience JT from what Steve shared with me. This little boy was a major part of his life, and my role in loving him was still from a distance. Every time Steve would go visit him, I’d ask how he was, what he did, what it was like to see JT at her house, and of course I wanted to see pictures of him. The fact that Steve was now a father gradually became easier for me, except for one thing.

My parents had no idea.

I was keeping the biggest secret of my life from the people that I loved the most. It was incredibly hard to hide something so huge from them. There were times that I felt I was living a double life and being deceitful, but I knew that I wanted to respect Steve’s wishes. He wanted to tell them himself.

The Parentals Meet Steve

It was a blazing hot summer day and my family (Dad-Brian, Mom-Jody and Sister-Melia), Steve and I were at Centennial Lakes Park for some mini golfing. This was the first time Steve met either of my parents. I’m not sure why we picked that day, because it was ridiculously hot, but we golfed anyway. That day was the sweaty equivalent to my previous Nickelback date with Steve.

My family is very competitive. We usually make some wager in whatever sport or game we’re competing in just to up the ante.  I’m not sure what was on the line, but we all wanted to win.

It was Steve’s turn. We were all circled around the outer portion of the green and my dad just happened to be standing behind Steve.  Steve positioned himself to make his putt, when he turned around with a witty grin on his face and questioned my dad, “Are you looking at my butt?”

My dad was stunned! His face turned red, as he assured, “Noooo!”

Steve chuckled and went about business as usual, continuing to take his turn.

I glanced at my dad and gave him a wide-eyed, pursed lip, shoulder shrug. My measly attempt to say I’m sorry, trying to pretend that awkward exchange never happened. Sometimes I felt Steve and his humor needed a muzzle or a mute button, even though I was fully aware that’s who he was. He always had to take things one giant leap beyond comfortable.

I wanted to give Steve an elbow, hoping he’d get the hint to pipe it, but really, I was most embarrassed for my dad.

What was Steve thinking! I was fully aware of Steve’s lack of a filter, but cripes! He had just met my dad and was up to his Steve Toms antics.

It was many months later that I asked my dad what he thought of Steve, hoping that Steve’s comment was long forgotten, but of course it wasn’t .My dad said, “Well, I thought he was weird.” He told my mom, “That guys, gotta be weird. What a terrible way to try to impress me.”  We had a good laugh about it, but man was it uncomfortable at the time.

My parents were getting used to Steve being part of my life and theirs. We discussed when the appropriate time would be to tell my parents about JT. We went back and forth about it several times.

Steve wanted my parents to get to know him for the man that he truly was, and then tell them that he had a son. He was taking full responsibility of telling them himself and he wasn’t going to shy away from the situation. He had to tell them the truth. I was relieved I wouldn’t be the one to break the baby news to my parents on my own.

Keaton and Mel knew– of course I told Mel right away. She’s my sidekick and I needed to confide in someone.

Like I said before, I was raised with strong Christian values, in that there’s order in life. God gives us guidelines and expectations to live by for a reason. He has gone before us and knows the difficulties, heartbreak, and disappointment, and all the other consequences that we’ll face from living a life misaligned from his will. I still believe that God knows best and that getting married before having children is the best plan. I also know that God can take a mess and turn it into something beautiful.

I just prayed my parents would be able to see it the same way.