baby boy

Fall came and went, and Christmas was just right around the corner.

I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday, and no, not because of the gifts. I love Christmas because it’s the time of year when I get to see all of my relatives and I get to have quality time with my family and celebrate the birth of Jesus.

This year would be different though.   I would be celebrating in a way that I would have never imagined.

It was December 2010, this would be baby JT’s first Christmas and he’d be spending it with us.

This would be the first time Steve would have JT on his own, in his house. This was also the first time I’d meet baby JT.

Up until this point, what I knew of JT was the stories and pictures that Steve had shared with me. I had imagined for so long, what he’d be like, how he would respond when he first saw me. I was happy that this day was finally here, yet I was torn because my parents still didn’t know about him. I was still keeping him a secret from my parents and it was hard not to share everything about this day with them.

This was a major milestone in our relationship because JT would physically be a reality to me. He’d no longer be a babe I’d have to imagine or wonder about, but I’d be able to see him and interact with him for the first time.

I have to admit I was a little nervous because I felt like meeting JT meant that I was “all in” with this relationship, when to be honest, I was still wrapping my head around how I truly felt about everything.

I didn’t know if being a step-mom was in God’s plan for my life. I had never imagined that would be a role that I’d have, yet I couldn’t help but imagine if this was our family. I had to truly think about and more so, pray about if this was right for me.

I never pictured myself dating anyone that had had sex before, much less had a child. Here I was, doing exactly what I never thought I’d do. I went round and round with these thoughts and worries in my head. I had wished so many times there was a clear cut answer.

Steve’s mom Lisa spent the night at JT’s mom’s house the night before we’d have him for Christmas since JT’s mom had to work early the next morning.

I went over to Steve’s early that day to prepare for our Christmas with Steve’s parents and his roommate Chris. I organized and got things ready while Steve went to pick up his mom and JT.

It felt like he was gone forever as I paced around his town home trying to find something to keep me busy.

I heard the front door open and in walked Steve’s mom, Steve, and in his hands was this sweet babe zipped up in his cozy little snowsuit.

He was about five and a half months old with light blonde hair that couldn’t be tamed.  He had the same squinty-eyed smile as his dad.

“Can I hold him?” I asked.

“Of Course,” Steve said.

I couldn’t believe it. I was finally holding this sweet baby boy that I had listened to Steve talk about so many times.  He was here and finally I didn’t have to imagine him any longer. He was sweet, joyful and irresistibly lovable. I was already in love with him.

It was time to feed JT a bottle. Steve being the new dad that he was, forgot the milk at JT’s mom’s house.

We bundled JT back up and into the car we went.  Steve, his mom Lisa, myself and baby JT making 30 minute drive in the snow.

We could finally spend the day together. We enjoyed great food, opened gifts, and I even got to rock JT to sleep.

This was a perfect day. I was happy to meet JT and that both Steve and I could have him at his house. Of course a baby is easy to love, but I needed to make sure my love for this child didn’t cloud my judgement.

I continued to pray about the whole situation, waiting for an answer.