Dates
I Licorice You
The beans were finally spilled. Both Steve and I could heave a sigh of relief! We didn’t have to keep things a secret any longer.
I finally felt like I could move forward to some degree in our relationship.
Valentine’s Day was approaching, so I figured I should get Steve some sort of card. I needed a card that communicated how important he was to me, without totally spilling my guts to him.
As you know, he had already told me that he loved me, and you guessed it, I still hadn’t told him.
There were times when Steve would tell me that he loved me, and I almost threw it out there that I loved him too.
One time I even started the sentence, “Steve I… (Oh my gosh, am I really going to say this?) I…l—ic oa yoo.”
“Ha ha, what did you say?” he prodded.
“Oh nothing!”
“Did you just say you licorice me?” he chuckled.
“No, of course I didn’t.”
It was as if the words I love you would bubble up like a pot ready to boil over, and then suddenly the words wouldn’t come. The heat was turned down and I had nothing to say.
He didn’t pressure me about the fact that I didn’t actually say it, but rather continued to tell me that he loved me and was patient. He knew I would tell him when I was ready.
One thing I’ve learned from my mom through the years is the art of showing people how much you care about them and how to make people feel special.
For Valentine’s Day I thought I’d get crafty and leave Steve a display of my “care” for him.
I had been working on a surprise during some of my free time at school. I used the die cut machine to cut out hearts and letters that read “Happy Valentine’s Day” so I could hang it on the mirror in his bathroom. I figured I wasn’t telling him “I love you” just yet, but he needed to know I thought he was wonderful. I also put a hand written note “Happy Valentine’s Day! I Licorice you,” on a heart. I knew he’d get my point.
While he was sleeping, I snuck over to his house and taped up my beautiful masterpiece so my message could be read as he looked in the mirror. I was so excited, but nervous. I thought for sure that every pull and tear of the scotch tape was going to wake him up for sure. Things always seem louder when you’re trying to be sneaky about it.
I pulled it off. Operation Valentine was complete. He was sound asleep and I managed to escape without being noticed.
Steve had made dinner plans for the two of us so we could enjoy some quality time together. I loved our quality time. We would laugh and joke about everything and have in-depth conversations as well.
Gosh, he was so good at making me feel special. Through no prompting of my own, he signed us up to do “Couples Yoga.” A special Valentine’s Day yoga session, doing poses with my sweetheart.
Us two meatheads were going to give this yoga thing a go.
These poses were hilarious. As a meathead, you always try to muscle your way through things and if something is hard, you grin and bear it.
Not only did we have to figure out how to maintaing stability in these poses individually, but we also had to work together as one cohesive unit. If either of us tried to do something on our own, our whole pose would be thrown off and we’d fall over.
Although it may seem like a silly exercise, trying something adventurous together that day was good because it challenged our communication. We came up with a game plan and then gave it a shot.
Often times in relationships we assume that what we are thinking is obvious. Maybe you are in a current situation of frustration simply because there was a lack of communication.
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” -George Bernard Shaw
One challenge for you today is to reflect on the communication in your relationships. Are you holding a grudge or letting a miscommunication negatively impact your relationships?If so, clarify your feelings with that person. Try to explain your thought or idea using different language and if you feel as though you have been misunderstood, clarify what you meant. Sometimes using an analogy helps to refine what you were trying to say.
I also want to challenge you to go the extra mile to show the people you care about that you love them. Whether it is a love text, a phone call, or voluntarily doing an activity that they love, you can always brighten someone’s day by showing love.
Oh baby
It wasn’t long after our first few dates that Steve bought me my own pair of pink Title boxing gloves. I still wasn’t quite sure what to think of him yet.
My initial reaction was, great, now I feel obligated to go to his class…but it didn’t stop there. He also bought my sister a pair too. We were basically a package deal. To get to me, you gotta go through my sister and vice versa. Way to reel her in with a pair of gloves!
It actually ended up being a great thing. Mel and I continued to go to Steve’s boxing classes and I got to know him better too.
Steve and I gradually spent more time together. Some times we’d cook together, work out, go on walks, go to sporting events, or watch UFC fights (Ultimate Fighting Championship).
The more time I spent with Steve, the more I learned about him. I learned he was a very connected guy. He was a smart aleck always prepared with a one-liner or a witty comeback. He didn’t say things in a hurtful way but he had a way of zinging you with truth.
He was intelligent, not only on a general knowledge level, but in his training. He’s the experienced trainer who could take you through a series of movements (exercise assessments) and could tell you exactly what you needed to do to improve the functionality of your body or give you a plan to correct your dysfunction. Steve loved helping people and having fun in the process.
He was a go-getter. If there was something he wanted, he’d work for it.
Well, apparently I was one of those things. We were working out at the gym and he introduced me to someone and said, “this my girlfriend, Ashley.”
I smiled and shook that person’s hand and just went with it in the moment, when inside I was dying, what was he thinking! Did I some how miss the conversation that we were “official” because I don’t remember having that conversation?
After our workout I went home to my sister Melia, who was my roommate at the time and filled her in.
“He introduced me to someone as his girlfriend!”
Now Mel knows me very well. I am what you call a commitment phobe when it comes to relationships. It’s really quite ridiculous actually.
“You can’t just start calling someone your girlfriend without asking her about it.”
We hemmed and hawed about the details of this situation and the positives and negatives of it. It eventually turned into me admitting, “I have a boyfriend.”
June 2010
It was a regular evening and Steve and I were hanging out after work. We had cooked dinner together and he suggested we go on a walk.
We laughed, joked and talked. Just enjoying the evening together.
“I brought you on this walk because there’s something I want to tell you.” When he prefaced this chat with that, of course I had a little bit of panic…he’s going to tell me he loves me. What in the world am I going to do?
But that wasn’t it.
He said “There has been something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time. I didn’t know where this relationship would go at first and I wanted to see how things developed before I told you.”
“Okay…well you know you can tell me anything right?” I ensured.
“Yes, I know that.” He paused as he gathered his thoughts.
“Ash, I’m going to be a dad.”
Sweaty Betty and Nickelback
Our next date that stands out to me was on May 24, 2010. We went to the Nickelback concert at the Target Center with Rod and DeeAnn, two of Steve’s friends and clients. It was the first time we had met in person, although we had heard about each other before.
I was nervous because I was the young one of the group, and I didn’t know what they’d think of me. I was just barely getting into my teaching career and they were both well established with two grown kids. I wasn’t sure what we were going to talk about.
Steve introduced us and we greeted each other with a hug. DeeAnn was in great shape and had a smile that was so inviting. She made me feel comfortable right away. Rod was easy to talk to as well.
I enjoyed watching Steve interact with the two of them. DeeAnn was one of Steve’s hardcore clients. This woman can do lunges for days and has a heart of gold. Now Steve and Rod, aka “meathead” (Steve actually called several people meathead) would razz each other. Dee and I got a good chuckle at those two goofballs acting like teenage boys.
We were going to get some beverages before the concert when Steve realized he forgot his ID. I had to laugh. Here is this grown man who is unprepared for our date, and I end up purchasing our beverages. It wasn’t a big deal to me, but we had a good laugh about it. I went and purchased two beverages from Wally the Beer Man.
The concert started with a bang! I’d heard of Nickelback before and knew a few of their songs, but of course I did more research before I went to the concert. A girl’s gotta be educated!
We had great seats second level, but close to the stage. It was a hot one, and I thought I had prepared by wearing a tank top, shorts and heels. It was bad enough to be roasting because of the warm weather, but things got worse.
I started to sweat, and not just the “crap my face is getting shinny” kind of sweat, we’re talking beads. Beads of sweat running down my face, back, chest and even legs.
I didn’t want to sit down because what was going on was the type of sweating situation that when you stand up you feel like you peed your pants; and for a second you think, did I? Gross.
I glanced over and was happy that I wasn’t the only one who was struggling. All four of us were blazing!
To make matters worse, Nickelback’s staging consisted of firing off 20-foot torches, blazing a flame that was packing heat comparable to the sun. Once, was cool and the response was many ooohs and ahhhs, but for crying out loud, quit with the flames! Every time they fired the flames the temperature of the Target Center seemed to increase 20 degrees. Ugh!
It became a joke. When we’d complain about the flame action, it’s as if the stage manager was secretly in on our conversation and tripped the switch just to aggravate us even more.
We ended up taking our own intermissions throughout the concert. The heat was out of control, and with all of that sweating we had to rehydrate.
When the concert was over we thanked Rod and Dee for inviting us and said our goodbyes. Steve and I both looked like we had just finished working out, but we still had a great time together.
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