Today wasn’t just any ordinary day at the gym. I had trained with Steve earlier and then I was going to spend the day relaxing by the pool, or trying to relax I should say.

It was a rough one. The man I cared about was going to be leaving work to have a baby with another woman. I was dreading the moment he would call me saying he was leaving to go to the hospital.

I always wanted the experience of having my first child to be something I shared with my husband.  This was supposed to be an experience for a married us, instead of a non-married them. That plan was out the window. It was hard to swallow the fact that my boyfriend, the man I cared about more than anyone, would be leaving to support another woman in labor.  Is this really my life right now?

I tried to relax and calm my spirit by the pool, but I was restless. I laid on my stomach as tears rolled down my face just thinking about it; breathing slow controlled breaths, trying to get myself to calm down.

I felt sick to my stomach. What if he changes his mind about me? What if the birth of his son is so overwhelming and such a life changing experience that it brings them closer together and he decides he wants to be with her? No, he wouldn’t ever do that…would he?

All the time we’ve spent together, being so happy together, being passionate about the same things, working through the ups and down of the situation, surely that had to be enough?

 

He told me he loved me…surely he meant it.

He meant it.

He loves me.

Steve… loves… me,

and only me.

 

 

My phone rang; I glanced down and saw Steve’s name and picture on my phone.

Pulling myself together I said, “hello?”

“Ash I just wanted to tell you that I’m leaving now, and I love you.”

“Okay,” I replied, attempting to hold back my sniffle and tears.

“I will call you when I get back, okay?”

 

“Okay.” I muttered.

 

We hung up. It was happening.

Steve was leaving the gym and the next time I’d see him, he’d be a dad.

I cried, lying on the pool deck, as the commotion of the kids swimming and the upbeat music played in the background. I was anything but upbeat. I wanted crawl into a hole.

 

My phone vibrated, I opened up the text and it read:

 

“Ashley, remember that I love you.”