December 24, 2010 would be the last time I’d see baby JT for a long time.

I knew that us having him for Christmas was because his mom Anngie (not her real name) had to work. She wasn’t going to let us have him again.

And when I say we wouldn’t get to see him, she didn’t allow Steve to see him for several months after that day. Previously, Steve was able to go to her house to see JT and this was an agreement that they had, until she unexpectedly flipped a switch. They had not been to court to establish legal agreement about parenting time.

I try to imagine how I would feel if I was her, yet I had no idea what she was like. How would I feel if I became pregnant and ended up not being with the father? I often wondered what her voice sounded like, how she carried herself, her attitude and what she was like. I can imagine she was bitter in this situation because she was not with the father of her child. Perhaps that was her dream and now the father of her child was with someone else, someone younger, which I imagine had to sting. Anngie was older than Steve, five years older to be exact.

For legal purposes and for his own well-being, Steve completed a paternity test. He was JT’s father. Both Anngie and Steve completed paperwork for child support and what they call “parent visitation” time.

It always sounded so ridiculous to me that it was called “parenting time” because it made it sound more like an obligation rather than a privilege. Steve’s time with his son was never an obligation. He always beamed after spending time with him. I could see and feel the love he had for JT. He wanted to spend more time with him, but unfortunately the time he’d spend with JT above his designated “parenting time” would all be determined by Anngie. The ball was in her court and she maintained offensive possession the whole time.

In my opinion, Anngie was hurt and angry. As sad as it is, some parents use their children as leverage in situations when they do not get along. I don’t ever think that is right or fair to the child. Sometimes these same parents try to pass their behavior off as “protecting their child” and in this situation, protection wasn’t warranted. JT wasn’t in danger.

Steve was the type of dad that loved his son with everything he had. He longed to spend more time with him, to be there for him, to provide for him, to guide him and to raise him up in Christ, and to be the father figure that all children need.

The amount of time Steve would get to spend with JT would be determined by a judge in a courtroom up until the age of two. After that, they would go to mediation and try to reach an agreement with a parenting consultant.

There would be no agreement. Anngie would drag her feet to delay an increase in parenting time. Anngie had control of that situation, but she had no control of the one thing she wanted, Steve.

She couldn’t control his feelings, who he loved and who he wanted to be with and if she couldn’t have Steve, Steve wouldn’t have JT either.